Money Jargon for Mortals

 Welcome to adulting, aka "Why is my salary lower than expected, and where does my money disappear?" sooo if you are asking these questions, congratulations! You have joined the 73% of Indians who are financially lost but socially rich in Instagram filters.   WELL..Let’s fix that, one witty breakdown at a time...

If you have ever:

✅ Felt personally attacked by tax deductions

✅ Been excited about payday until you saw your bank balance

✅ Heard the legendary "Beta, shaadi ke baad sab set ho jayega" (while you're still figuring out how EMIs work)

…then hooray! WELCOME to the great Indian middle class struggle, and if financial terms sound like an ancient spell to you, don’t worry..you are not alone. Let’s decode the money mumbo-jumbo without putting you to sleep.

1. Savings – "If You Don't Save, Are You Even Middle-Class?"

💰 Definition: Money you save for the future, but primarily to spare your mother's disappointment.

👴Parents: "Beta, save at least 50% of your salary!"

😶 Reality: 50% of my salary is already spent on taxes, rent, and existential terror.

💁 Middle-Class Reality:- you wish to save, but life has a way of coming up with surprise expenses—doctor bills, weddings (since a no is not an option), and that one relative who believes you make in dollars.

You don't enjoy your salary,your landlord does.

💡Survival Tip:If saving is impossible, begin small. Consider it an EMI for your future self.

2. Debt – "Congratulations, You Now Owe Your Future to the Bank"

💳Definition: Money taken to spend now and weep about afterwards.

 Debts You wll most likely have:

📚Education Loan – So that you can study diligently, get a job, and repay the loan till retirement.

💃Personal Loan – Personal Loan.. Usually taken because "Salary isn’t enough, but Instagram aesthetics must be maintained."

👀Credit Card Debt – The game of spending money you don't have on things you don't need (because cashback sounded too good).

 ⚠Warning:--- Middle-class individuals borrow money for anything but therapy.

3. EMI – "Installment Plans That Own Your Soul"

📉 Definition: A mechanism that makes costly things appear cheap, until you calculate.

 👉How EMIs Trick You:

            ₹50,000 phone? Too costly.

            ₹2,499 a month for 24 months? SOLD!

 🙅Red Flag: If you are putting half your salary into EMIs, congratulations...you are now working for the bank.

4. Taxes – "Your Salary? Well Not Really Yours."

📑 Definition: The government's lingo for, "We like your sweat, now give us a share of it."

🚨 Middle-Class Tax Math:   

                   Gross Salary: ₹50,000

                   Tax, PF, Deductions: ₹10,000

                   Rent, Bills, EMIs: ₹30,000

                   Remaining: A entire ₹10,000 to live your best life (for 30 days).

  🤡 Meanwhile,relatives: "When are you getting married?"

     Me: "Bro, I can’t even manage my own expenses...how will I afford a wedding?"

5. Mutual Funds – "Because FD Rates Are as Exciting as Dry Toast"

📉  Definition: An option to invest your money without knowing the stock market.

⚠️ Misconceptions:

👴   Parents: "Son, mutual funds are risky"

🙄   Me: "Papa, even going out of the house is a risk these days."

👊 Reality Check:-

            FDs = Safe, but slow (like Indian trains).

            Mutual Funds = Risky, but rewarding (like dating).

💡Bonus: The Rise of Digital Investments

Traditional investments are dull and slow, and that is why increasing numbers of people are considering digital assets. Even crypto, as volatile as it can be, has yielded greater returns than most traditional assets (if you do it cleverly and don't YOLO your rent money into it).

6. Inflation – "Why Your ₹500 Feels Like ₹50 Now"

📌  Definition: The mechanism whereby things cost more but your wages remain constant.

 📊 Simple Explanation

            2010: ₹100 could get you a full meal.

            2025: ₹100 can get… a 500ml bottle of water at the airport.

📢  Moral of the story:-  If your money isn't appreciating at a rate higher than inflation, you are actually losing money by being alive.

7. Retirement Planning – "Yes, You Need to Think About This Before 60"

👴 Definition: A plan for how you will survive when you are old, retired, and stuck choosing between paying medical bills or giving "blessings" at every relative's wedding.

🔴 Middle-Class Reality:

      👵 Parent's Retirement Plan: "Son, you will earn and handle everything."

      😶 Our Retirement Plan: "Survive now, panic later."

⭐Future You Will Thank You If:

       ✔️ You begin investing early, not at 50 and in a panic.

       ✔️ You don't count on "my kids will handle everything"

Last Thoughts:- Finance, But Make It Middle-Class

If you have read this far, well done! You now know that:

here is your concise, financially-flavored recap:

✅ Saving is essential—its a safeguard against life's unexpected surprises.

✅  Taking loans is normal—just don’t become an EMI slave.

✅  Investing isn’t just for rich people—it’s for those who don’t want to work till they drop.

✅  Wedding is an expense—and if you are still figuring out rent, tell your relatives to chill.

Finance is not intimidating—it's merely adulting with more math. The earlier you begin, the less anxious you will be when your best friend unexpectedly buys real estate, and you are still covering last month's Zomato bills.

👀What is your greatest financial challenge? Share with me in the comments or send me an email at samneuro630@gmail.com (I promise to respond before your next paycheck gets withdrawn).