I sent it...
Just a “hey.”
Strange..how three letters
Can feel like one confession
Wrapped in regret.
Like somehow, somewhere
This fragment of word could reach
Across the mess I made,
Back to the version of you
Who used to love me.
But the moment I hit send,
Reality hit back harder.
You did love me once.
God, you did.
You loved me with everything
I didn’t know how to handle.
And I took it for granted,
Played it cool,
Acted like you would always be there...
Like I had time
To figure out how to love you back
Without fear,
Without running.
But I was wrong.
Turns out, love has limits.
Even yours.
And I pushed mine
Until you finally
Just let go.
You left,
And I didn’t blame you...
I blamed myself.
And now,
After all this time,
I had the audacity
To send you a “hey.”
Like that’s not ridiculous.
In that one minute
Between “sent” and “seen.”
That’s all it took
For a thousand thoughts
To slap me in the face.
What if you see it
And feel nothing?
Or worse...
What if it hurts
To see my name again?
What if it pulls you
Back to that place
You swore you would never visit?
The place where you
Used to love me
Before I showed you
All the reasons you shouldn’t.
And maybe you are holding your phone
Right now,
Staring at the screen,
Wondering why I couldn’t
Just let you be...
Why I had to barge in
With this pointless message
When you have worked so hard
To move on.
Maybe you are shaking your head,
Thinking how typical...
Still reckless,
Still selfish,
Still me.
And maybe it doesn’t matter now.
Maybe you have already
Found someone else..
Someone who didn’t make
Loving you
Feel like a mistake.
Someone who didn’t have
A habit of running
When things got real.
Someone who knows how to hold on
Instead of letting go.
And here I am,
Showing up at your doorstep
With a useless “hey”
That can’t undo
The mess I made.
It hits me...
This is stupid.
I am not supposed to be
Part of your life anymore.
I lost that privilege
When I let you walk away.
So, I press it....
Delete for everyone.
Because it’s pointless,
Because it’s selfish,
Because it’s too late.
And it’s funny, really,
How deleting a message
Doesn’t delete the regret.
Delete for everyone...
But not for me.
Because no matter
How many times I try,
I can’t erase
The reality
That I ruined
The best thing
I ever had.
And I can’t blame you
For not wanting
To read a word
From the girl
Who broke
What you once called love.
Delete for everyone....
But I am still here,
Sitting with the truth
That it was never
Just a “hey.”
It was everything
I couldn’t say
When you were still
Willing to listen.
Delete for everyone...
But the guilt stays mine.
Because I had your love,
And left it behind.